It was the right thing to do, splitting my time in half tonight. 

First part of the evening: HMTQCC 10th year anniversary concert. Sad Anne and I couldn't make it to practices (thus not being able to perform onstage), but hearing them tonight brought back a lot of great memories. Germany is, after all, still one of the highlights of my young life. My proudest achievement yet. And, who knew the songs we once aspired to sing would be part of our repertoire one day? I especially missed Resa, Ate Thess, and Kuya Jude. It felt wonderful to be welcomed and still be considered a part of a family I left four or five years ago. To this day, Tito Ulan still gives one of the best hugs ever. 

Second part of the evening: Rushing from Philamlife in UN Avenue to Ateneo for the Bonfire! I didn't really catch the lighting of the fire or the speeches or the awarding because I got there at 11pm. I didn't even buy anything or get anything signed (waahh there goes my Nonoy autograph). But, it was still hella fun. Drinking allowed on school grounds? Who wouldn't take advantage of the opportunity! So there was the crazy initiation (ONE BIG FIIIIGHT!) and hanging out with plastered people in the grade school parking lot. 

This week is just way too cool for words. 

After getting deployed on Monday, I stayed home Tuesday to help clean house. Rather uneventful day, aside from discovering creatures hidden in crevices of the house. 

Wednesday, my brother and I were in Ateneo helping out. Nik came along a bit later and we passed boxes of toiletries via bayanihan line while waiting for Steve, Luis, and Jerold to come along. When they finally arrived, we found out the list for deployment volunteers was full so that plan failed. Ateneo was also getting crowded, so we decided to transfer relief centers. Megatent was our next stop, and after spending more than half an hour or an hour doing nothing but wait to get oriented, we decided our time was better used elsewhere. The plan was Poveda, since it was nearby, but we found out there was no one there on the way. So, we headed back to Ateneo. 

Back in the covered courts, saw Ate Ain and asked if she knew where else we could go. Jackpot, she needed about thirty?fifty? volunteers to get deployed to RFM warehouse in Mandaluyong (GK HQ) so we signed up right away. After wasting more time waiting (and an almost parking fail), we finally got to RFM. There were already tons of people but there was always something to do, like a bayanihan line for 2200 bags of groceries, or another line for whole boxes of spaghetti sauce. We were also able to repackage spaghetti, bag goods (go efficient sardine line!), and carry heavy stuff. By 6pm, we were hella tired and the ride back to Katipunan was looong (where in the world did the traffic come from?). Needless to say, we were all sabaw in the car (jerold: transport vehecles, steve" secrete-ive, luis: propelling sneezes winner!) and absolutely hungry. We ended the day with a great McDo dinner. 

Thursday was a great day to be human. I was able to take Anne along with me this time, and we were in Ateneo by 8:30am. We were going to be deployed to Bulelak, Malanday, Marikina together with Steve, Ian, Patsy, Jerold, Luis, Nikki, Mark, Jess Dee, Krissy, Alex, and Ian's brother Nico (new friend!). Lo and behold, our transport vehicle was a DUMP TRUCK. The climb to get into it and off it was a little scary, but there are first times for everything. The ride was long and rain poured in bursts over our heads. Finally, we got to the area. The 13 of us were tasked to assess the health of the community. And, because Sir Lib was awesome enough to surprise us with ten boxes of medicines before we left for Malanday, we were also put on impromptu med mission duty.

When we got to the area, we saw the school overrun with evacuees.  People were lining up outside the town hall, the school, the church, and every other place that was offering at least some food. Flood waters here had gone up even third and fourth floors and left mud, garbage, and unusable things everywhere. The community profilers (that's us) went deeper into the barangay where people were in their homes shoveling out mud and trying to rebuild their lives. It was difficult, though, with little water and food in their stomachs and nothing to wear. They told us that imited relief goods were being handed out in the higher drier parts of the area, but those stuck in the muddy depths resigned themselves to receiving nothing. And with alipunga plaguing them all, how could they even wade their way up to get those goods? Diarrhea and vector-borne diseases were obviously rising threats as well.

While the rest of the Ateneo volunteers headed off to another area to distribute goods, a bunch of us stayed for the med mission. We set up camp at the wrecked health center. Mud had gotten into everything, even the medicines. Chairs were turned upside down and posters wrapped in plastic were breeding some pathogen or another. There were no doctors around with us (so no antibiotics could be given away), but we were working with some awesome nurses. Anne and I assisted Ate Raziel (sp?) at the Adult station by being quasi-pharmacists with Nico as our barker. Jess and Patsy helped out at the Pedia station. Luis, Jerold, and Ian were at the Reception area. Krissy and Alex were at the First Aid station. Steve, Nikki, and Mark cut up the much needed soap for the residents' befungaled feet. There were so many of them who lined up to get treated and it broke my heart to have to turn away some people because if we gave in to all those who weren't in line, then the system would have been for nothing. I feel bad especially for that little girl who came just when we closed up. 

I can't describe it exactly. Pictures tell some of it. Writing about it helps a little. But you'd have to be at the area to really know how bad things were. Everything just moves you and you are compelled to help. A friend told me he wanted to do this for the rest of his life.

It was only after we had gotten back from Malanday and hopped off that huge dump truck around 7pm onto solid ground that I realized my feet hurt like hell. But I wouldn't have it otherwise. 

Now, we wait for Peping.

 

It's Tuesday today. The crazy freak flooding happened last Saturday. Already the death toll is above one hundred.

I was only able to go home late Sunday afternoon, like 4pm. The Aliw-iw side was still flooded, and the Dupil side was jam packed with cars. Outside the house was a pile of unrecognizable brown stuff, which I found out later were dead sofas, mattresses, cartons, and other junk. All my books had drowned too. My dad was fiddling around with our Starex. He was caked in the same mud that adorned all our cars, and the line on the wall told me the gunk water had reached shoulder level. The cars were, of course, dead. I had to wade through some mud inside the house and stop myself from giving in to nausea because of the awful stink. It was just so crazy. 

Salvaged appliances lined the stairs as I picked my way to the second floor. A candle was burning in the bathroom, and my mom explained I was lucky to come home when I did. The electricity had just come back on. Everyone was home safe, but when I stopped by to talk to my grandparents, they were awfully depressed. All that they had worked for in the past fifty years, important memento, expensive medicines, my piano, not even the wooden tables and chairs we had eaten dinner on all my life, were spared. Sunday night,  we lived off food donated by relatives, bottles of water, and plastic utensils.

Monday morning, my brother and I headed off to our schools to help out. I arrived in Ateneo before it was swarming with volunteers, so there was always something to do. Sorting and packaging rice with Jerold, Steve, and Ian was fun. By 11am, we were getting deployed on a medical assessment team to Montalban. I managed to drag Nikki, Gelo, Teejay, and Stacey with us.

Ian, Jerold, Nikki, and I squeezed into Alex's (new friend!) Civic. The trip was long, the convoy-ing was difficult, and rains and broken roads met us on our way. Still, we got to Montalban around 2:30pm and asked families from the area what medicines they needed the most. We also handed out relief goods. The area was muddy everywhere, and each time I took a step, some splattered on my legs, my shorts, even my shirt. People were sitting outside their houses, staring at piles of what used to be walls and chairs. Mattresses, blankets, and clothes were shitty dirty.  There was no water or electricity, the children were getting sick, and the insects had descended. One little bag of groceries each certainly wasn't enough, but it should tide them over for a day or two until we get to go back again. There's just so many people to help!

So we hopped back into the car and arrived in Ateneo close to 6:30pm. The donations in the covcourts had ballooned, and there were still volunteers everywhere. More cars had arrived to help deliver goods. My arms were sore and not having eaten much made me feel faint, but the sight of so much generosity made my heart skip a beat. Pardon my cheesiness.

We ate dinner out of cans and bottles that night, and probably will again for the next few days. I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt/gratitude each time I sit down to a meal for having escaped with little damage. The supertyphoon wasn't picky with its victims. It went ahead and put businessmen, street sweepers, actresses, students, even politicians, on the roofs of their houses or swimming through head high floods. Money suddenly seemed like a very insignificant thing when fighting for your life.

I know I'm going to forget the date this thing happened, even if I try to remember, but it's going to be pretty hard to forget everything that's happened. Even school's been called off for a week (but efforts are ongoing). Ondoy (Ketsana) was that huge. 

My dad and I were watching TV around midnight last night when he remarked that, for once, PAGASA hit the nail right on the head. It started raining about 11pm, and while strong, wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just like PAGASA forecasted.

I fell asleep listening to the rain. It was still raining when I left for school at eight the next day (this morning). Already, the Aliw-iw side of the subdivision was flooding. I didn't pay it any mind, because that side usually floods anyway. The rain continued throughout my horrible physio exam (curse you renal system!), and on throughout the complaining time after the exam. Noon time, dad calls me to say, STAY IN SCHOOL. Mom calls me to say, STAY IN SCHOOL. Ahia texts me, via angkong's fone, to tell me CALL HOME, STAY IN SCHOOL. I got the message. I called home to find out that our garage was flooded up to the first (of two) steps leading into the house. It wasn't as bad as Katipunan, which was flooded WAIST TO HEAD HIGH in places (refer to super popular vid clip of a van sinking into the flood).

Meanwhile, some XX and I went on an adventure! We hopped in puddles and trooped to the Leong Roofdeck just to ogle the super river formerly known as Katipunan. From up there, we saw that the baseball field had turned into an ocean and that absolutely no cars, not even trucks, were willing to brave the currents (refer to other super popular vid of Katipunan rapids). Called home to find out the flood had risen to the THIRD STEP INSIDE the house. o_o The last time that happened was Typhoon Rosing (when Ninang Mary was still here?). That would make it almost fifteen years ago.

When the adventure to Leong got old, we made a pointless trip to Cervini caf, then off again to Physio classroom where the stranded Health Sci people watched Haunting in Connecticut on the LCD until we got kicked out. We migrated to the caf and vegged out for a few. Got the announcements that Ateneo was opening up some places for stranded people to stay overnight in. Kate, Gasty, Nik, Luis, Mark and I decided to brave the night in Steve's condo (woohoo sleepover!!). Going home already seemed pointless, because even though Katipunan flood was receding, because the flood was already on the SEVENTH STEP and all our appliances were floating. Okay, so it's soooo much worse than Rosing.

I'm kind of worried for my family and my house. Dad's in Valenzuela, stranded. Mom's in the office, stranded. I'm in Katip, stranded. Tim's at my cousin's house, stranded. Aside from my and dad's cars, the ones at home are swimming. My piano is probably dead. I hope the dogs and the puppies are okay.

Let me just say PAGASA SOOO did not get it right. Sure, they mentioned a little storm, but they hella didn't warn us about THIS (which ANC says is the worst typhoon since 1960something)!

 The long weekend has made me real lazy. I keep thinking tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, and suddenly whoops tomorrow is Tuesday already and I've got class. Meh, there's still tomorrow and the four and a half hour break. :)

I've managed to stuff in a bit of physio during the weekend, but it's mostly been bummin around and playing with the faaat puppies. They are sooo cute I just wanna squish em, especially when they're on their backs and trying to roll over but can't because THEY'RE SO FAT. :D The two really fat puppies even had to get their legs taped bent because their hind legs couldn't support their weight and weren't being used. I'd post pictures but my phone has no bluetooth thing and I'm too lazy to set up a mail account just to send them. You'll just have to take my word for it that they're adorable fat little things. :3

Off to watch the Emmy reruns. I'll study tomorrow frealz.

I knew I wasn't supposed to stare up at the sun, but the solar eclipse today was just something I couldn't miss. :D 

First try around 9:20am, stared up with naked eyes. Bad idea. Didn't help that the sun was almost overhead, so shading my eyes with fingers was useless. I could only squint for a millisecond before giving up.

Next try around 9:25am, armed with really dark sunglasses. Less bad, but equally useless. All I could see in the millisecond I looked up was bright light everywhere, no dark spot at all and it was nearing the peak coverage time! I began to worry for my eyes. Those stuff I read about retinal burning and detachment...

Final try at 9:40am. I had spent fifteen minutes rifling about the house searching for x-ray film. Found the one I used for Ateneo college entrance health check. Brought my sunglasses along for extra protection. Success :D

The x-ray film filtered out the glare, and I could see the little black spot covering about half the sun. I was only willing to stare up for about five seconds before walking away happy. I had seen a partial solar eclipse with my own eyes. :D

I now have something to add to my wishlist. I want to witness a total lunar and total solar eclipse with my own eyes before I die. Maybe I'll be an eclipse chaser in the future, armed with the right equipment, of course. :)

 

The next partial lunar eclipse will be on December 31, 2009. --> New Year's Eve! 
The next total solar eclipse will be on July 11, 2010.

 

My grandma's in the hospital again.
I feel useless. I'm at a loss as to what to do. And I'm very scared.
This could be nothing.
This could be the beginning of more horrible things.
Six more years until I'm finally a real doctor.
But what use is that now?
This was not part of the plan.

I'm happy. I think that's the way to go when everyone you meet wishes you a Happy Birthday. :)

21 is such a defining number. Everything about this year will be defining. I suppose it's only fitting when it's my last year in college. WE HAVE TO MAX IT OUT (HINT HINT XX).

I came from four days of talks, activites, and meeting inspiring mentors and colleagues at the Zuellig Health Youth Leaders Congress, and then another three days with the best and most dedicated people in the world at the Health Sciences Society Evsem. If there is anything that I've taken with me from the week that was in Tagaytay, it would be affirmation. I'm in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. I just need to keep it up, keep it going. I'm glad to know I won't be alone.

There is so much I want to do, and I guess if there's something I want for my birthday, it's the will to do them.

Thank you to everyone who's affected me even in the smallest way. Especially you, Jackass and XX. :))

(Oo na, cheesy. But it's my birthday and you have to be nice to me. :D)

My random number for the summer: a stunning 1531 out of 1538 SOSE students. O_O My subjects are pre-enlisted, thank God. I hope 1st sem is much much kinder.

---

I just watched Hitman (Timothy Olyphant and Olga Kurylenko) on Star Movies. It makes me hate bureaucrats and politicking even more. Is it wrong to feel sympathy for the assassin and the whore? I want them to have their happy ending because the world has never been fair to them. "It is a strange feeling to want to die."

And my identification with a man with blatant disregard for life comes directly after a semester and final orals on Levinas. Ironic, chew-worthy.

---

My brain won't shut up today. o_o It's like a leaky faucet, AM radio with bad reception, and venti caffe latte all rolled into one. Must've been something in the cherry tomatoes...

Dad and Tim are in Taiwan.
Ahia's going to China on Thursday.
Mom's going next week.
I have to stay home because it's finals week.
Bummer.

But, I don't feel so bad. I've been feeling rather happy these past few days actually. I hope this carries over to the next coupla weeks and give my exams and final projects some good juju. Thinking positive. :3

It's strange that while I hardly get to see my XX loves this sem, I see Meow or Sarmie alternately on a daily basis. I actually hung out more with some seniors than my blockmates. Weird sem, moody sem, heavy sem. Lotsa firsts too, like not being classmates with Patsy at all, or working with unknown groupmates, or cleaning bathrooms and being mistaken as a 16-yr-old, or planning a huge party, or finding Professor Xavier.

Anyway, I'll need a proper sem-ender when this is all over. Game? :)

Yesterday was spent giving a women's 7-stall bathroom a full washdown. With scotch brite and my bare hands. When she emerged gleaming from the smokey fog of muriatic acid like a pink diamond in the afternoon sunlight, I wanted to cry. So beautiful and clean. *tear*

The highlight of those first couple of hours was trying to convince a stray "hair" to go down the drain. It stubbornly clung to the scrub brush, but finally succumbed to the powers of hydrochloric acid and our desperate coaxing. :D

The next few hours were spent cleaning floor-to-ceiling windows. Two floors' worth of the clear stuff. There were only two wipers, so I relegated myself to scraping scum and grout from the sill. Most of the crud prolly went under my nails than into the rag, but the girls' side came out awesome and white in the end. :D

Really tiring day, but it was a happy day. Even got to catch up with Anne, with a phone call until the wee hours. Ask me how my day went again sometime. Heehee :D

The little whiteboard where I write the stuff I'll be doing for the next few days is beginning to scare me. I don't think it's even proper to call it a whiteboard anymore, seeing as it's now bi-racial.

Anyway, to help me remember that I'm still alive:
1. Met Kat Lim for a couple of minutes in school. Feels like I haven't seen her in years (which is likely).
2. Guidance interview for about an hour. I should talk to strangers more often.
3. Little McDo lunch date with Sarm and Wy, not to mention to other little McDo date with Meow.
4. Flashed the peace sign to some random people and cars just for the heck of it.
5. Hanging out at SOM mall after accounting today.
6. Talking to Larry about beautiful things.

And now, I dive.

as tagged by laur: good things that have happened in eight days.
but really, why stop at eight?

December 20
Christmas party at Meow's with yummy warm sake

December 21
Lunch thing at my uncle's and meeting their cute dog Cutie
Scrambling for coins and chocolate at the house blessing

December 22
day out with TR, Wy, and Sarm!
brunch at Mom and Tina's, hunting for dog clothes at Tiendesitas, and shopping at Metrowalk

December 23
near completion of our spa day
dinner at Cantinetta with the barkada and the "sleep"over at Cheoky's afterwards

December 24
first dive into the cool smooth hotel bed
luxurious jasmine-scented bubble bath

December 25
the best chicken and pork adobo i've had in a while
introducing my brother to fringe, dr. horrible, across the universe, and the princess bride

December 26
chocolate milk fiasco at HEAT and the halo-halo chocolate as hush-hush bribe

December 27
making fun of the cheese overload in Baler (Anne Curtis and Jericho Rosales o_o) with my brother

December 28
grocery shopping with my dad and brother
cooking the family a steak dinner

Please watch this play! The future doctors of the country will thank you for it! (Present your ticket in ten years and who knows, you might get free surgery...) Spread this to as many people as you can. Invite your mom, dad, friends, relatives, loved ones, unloved ones, everyone! DECEMBER 13, 2008! BLOCK THE DATE!

Today seemed like a typical Sunday, except that I didn't wake up for mass and my mom and brother had already gone. (Okay, maybe still a little typical.) The books were waiting for me to open them. The planner had a couple of items for me to finish. So, I checked my mail instead. Updated my iTunes. Made small talk with a few friends. Thus I wasted time until lunch...

...during which I found out my tai ma had died. And now I feel abysmally guilty for a lot of things. But this post isn't really for me.

Tai ma, I'll miss your kookiness, and how you always asked how old I was and when I was getting married every time we saw each other. I believe you're much happier now than you've been in a while. Tai kong must have been waiting for you on the other side and I know how much you wanted to be together again. Rest in peace.

I feel as if I've come out of a cocoon I was slowly growing too big for. Really, truly, Finally! Gone is that stifling gagging burden of school, of the nasty taste of the horriblest semester I've had by far! I can breathe deeply again, and take the time to savor the beautiful air in my lungs. It tastes like watermelon and lamb salad (hello Cyma!) and basic black iced tea (hello Starbucks!). I'm so light and happy I could float away...and this is just the first official day!

This semester put up a good fight, but I'll be damned if it gets the better of me (prays fervently for miracles in 3/6 of subjects). We all put up a good fight.

Remembering what was with bonfires and blood.

it's a strange position to be in, and now i know what they mean. i feel like a little nauseous and my brows won't unknot themselves. there are no words good enough to say and expletives are all i can come up with. the weight pressing down on your chest, it's real. didnt i just see him two days ago? gave him a hug some weeks back? how can he suddenly not be here?

i hope that he's happy. and that God is taking care of his family now. and i hope people leave him in peace dammit.

it's different when it's someone you know. when that someone's your friend.



Gabby Doller (1988-2008)
Truly m01. we'll miss you gabby. your hugs were the greatest.

I want to go someplace else.

It used to be the States, but that's out of the question now. Australia, maybe. Live next to Bondi and learn how to surf. Or London. That would be wonderful! I'll greet the next Olympics like a Brit, but with pretty teeth.

The books are staring at me with huge incredulous eyes, almost laughing. They know I'm not ready. The flash cards, too.

Maybe they know I won't pull through, like always.

The rain started around 5pm today, during LS class as it always does, and kept going for the rest of it. It was still raining when I picked up my mom around 8. It was still raining when we were maneuvering traffic close to home around 9. It was still raining when we reached a tiny but overflowing creek and the poor Cefiro had to trudge through knee-high water to reach semi-dry land. Right after the terrible ordeal of feeling the water swish under your feet and slapping ourselves for driving an automatic, the car started to make horrible SQUEEEAAK noises when braking. And then all the cars that headed to the end of the street started U-turning and going back through the previously knee-high water while we kept a-squeaking. And then my mom and I realized that between two ends of the street with thigh-high brown water and the grinding dying car sound that scared us to death, we were stranded.

We were stuck about two kilometers from home. And I desperately needed to pee. It took about another hour. The agony!